Lessons learned in single hood

To start with I am not writing this because I have made it through single hood already, but am just writing because I felt some of these lessons that I have learned or rather am still learning don’t have to wait until am married, because there are those who might need them now not years to come.

1.Desire to love and be loved is from God.We are spiritual beings and God put His breath in us that’s why we are different from animals. As a result we have a desire to love and be loved that animals don’t have, or rather animals can have a desire to mate for procreation, but not a desire for companionship. At times when one is not dating or not married they might feel if only they could find a partner then they’d be okay, but trust me even when they do, without God, they still remain with a gap, vacuum or emptiness in their souls, because only God can satisfy a human. Thus in single hood first seek a personal relationship with God. Let Him pour His unconditional love on you, let Him teach you what it means to be loved, then from there its even easier to find a human being best for you, and you can pour the same love on them. Let God be the foundation.

2. Only God knows the heart of man. The Bible says that the heart of man is deceitful. thus if you’d want to have the best person for you then only God can help you. I know you’ve heard or seen people who get married to the most kind, faithful, sweet spouse, then after a year or even months the person changes completely to be a terrible spouse. This is why I would advise that you start with number one above, for you to be able to hear from God. You can not be too far from God, having not learned how He speaks and expect that the day you’d want to get a life partner you will be able to hear His voice and understand what He has to say to you. Be His friend first, then He’ll even tell you when you are ready and lead you to the right person.

3.Don’t start unless you are ready. What I believe is dating and courtship is not a trial and error season, it’s a time to know someone with an aim of marrying them. In our generation I know people date for different reasons e.g. companionship, money, fun, peer pressure etc. That’s why we now have open relationships and multiple relationships at the same time. However this is not  God’s desire for us, remember if you’re a child of God, emotionally hurting another believer remember,that person is a child of God. This is issue is more serious than we take it, it’s not just calling, texting, long walks, coffee dates, therefore we should take it with the seriousness it deserves.

4.Private is not secret. When in the first stages of a relationship I know most people prefer keeping it to themselves. However you should have a few of the key people in your lives aware,  for accountability. It’s also good to have a few mature people know, because at times one who is in love might not even realise red flags along the way. Or even if they see them they might not take them seriously. To note a person who expects you never to tell anyone about your relationship that already is a red flag. Therefore let a few people know even if you don’t intend to have it all over on social media.

5.You aren’t made of stone. Being born-again does not make you a superior human being, you are whole human being, with all feelings. It’s easy for people to imagine they are too spiritual to get into fornication, and you decide to meet in a lonely place to pray together, i would just advise like the Bible says don’t give the devil a chance. I have heard parents repeat consistently that you should never meet in a lonely place, the problem is we young people always imagine that the older generation does not understand our times, or they are old fashion, but trust me, in this world there are principals that never change. Today you might meet and nothing happens, but as days go by you might regret that you have gone further than you thought, then in regret you start saying you can’t tell what happened. Flee sexual immorality the Bible reminds us.

6.Marriage does not make impure pure. I know it’s easy to think that when you get a spouse you’ll no longer struggle with matters purity, trust me that’s a lie. Things like pornography, masturbation, fornication, lust etc, will not be broken by getting married. That’s the reason I started with the first point, because only God can transform you. In case you are struggling with any sexual sin run to God, whether you are dating or not, let God deliver you, because no human being can do that. He says whoever He sets free is free indeed, find rest at His feet.

7.No human is perfect. I believe you know your weaknesses, and in the same way the person you’ll date, or get married to has weaknesses too. Just like you’d want to be accepted as a whole package accept them too. One thing I have realised is one persons weakness are the other person’s strengths as a result they compliment one another and build a strong home, thus protect each other, knowing you are not competitors but are a team. To note, you will always find someone better than your man or woman, thus avoid comparisons, Kindly note in case you see something and realise you can’t live with it for the rest of you life it’s okay to say your concern or even leave, therefore  need wisdom to know principals and basic things that a marriage can work on. That’s why I have the next point.

8. Seek Godly counsel. Several times the book of proverbs advises that we have counsel in different matters. Some people imagine they can make it without advise from others, some even say they would not need premarital classes before their wedding. As for me and from what I have observed If you would want to avoid making mistakes, and make wise decisions in this journey, it’s important to talk to those who have gone through the process successfully. You can have those who are going through single hood as you, but also seek knowledge from married couples and more so people you feel you admire and would want to build a family like theirs. Remember everyone is unique, so as you seek advise know you can not be an exact of anyone else, so seek that which works for you and leave the rest. Apart from meeting couples, read books, watch sermons, interviews..basically just find as much information you can to be ready for the responsibility ahead.

To conclude I would say, this is not all there is on single hood for those not dating, and those already dating going towards marriage, I might write more as God’s guides and thus if you have more points on this issue kindly let me know that I may add. I have written this not because I am perfect but because I am loved by a perfect father, and the little I have learned this far I believe could help someone out there. For those who have more points share to help me and others who are still single whether you are married or are also single, knowledge is power, and as Christians we should not be ignorant on serious matters as this.

Remember it’s not too late to make things right if you feel there is anything you’re not doing right currently.

With great love. Grace